hmm havent blogged in a while wells today i felt really anti social -___- & i kept thinking bout things like seriously why cant i stop thinking about the past? why cant i just move on? i guess its just hard oh wells but idk why but i felt pretty much sad today and im not pmsing maybe its just not my day today or something idk there are times where i just keep thinking about should i move to another school or not? idk but im kinda getting bleh about school like no more joy in it it feels like last year all over again. but i hated last year alot. idk why im feeling this way maybe its just a phase? maybe i just wanna be myself again. maybe i just wanna find the meaning to life again. cus rite now i find no meaning i guess the meaning of life right now is to learn, learn, learn. & learn as much as possible. but at the same time thats not the meaning of life. AHHH idk -___- i guess i just think about the future too much and letting things get to me. i guess mostly im just thinking he wants nothing to do with me because its true. ohh wells i just find school not fun no more or i guess this year is just really not my year because BOY DID IT STARTED OUT LIKE SHIT AND ITS STILL NOT GETTING BETTER -__- i dont even remember a time this year where i was really REALLY happy. & then brenda song big bang-stay is making me even more sad LOL there are like times where i feel left out idk its like i guess im use to going out w/ them guys and now i dont and its just weird. cus alex and them get invited and they ask me if im going and im like i wasnt invited and its like ohh... sometimes i just wish it didint even happen and we just stayed as friends idk if i should have even let this happen. AHHH idk i just feel so out of it and there are like times at lunch when im sitting at the table i feel weirdd o_o haha i dont know it feels like theres a change in me like apart of me missing and i just really wanna find it! boys,boys,boys why must we need them in our lives? i have nooo idea =p i dont even have the motivation of making an innovation for myself ); like i notice that we all say things how we want to make a innovation but we dont ACTUALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN! like we just leave it hanging if you know waht i mean. well idk but hopefully ill start shaping up and find out more about myself because if i made a list idk what i will write about myself but i guess thats what high school is its about finding yourself (: & in college its all about you and depending on yourself so i should really SNAP OUT OF IT! cus i only have like what 5 more months of sophomore year! WOAHHHH that was fast o-o we already finished 5 months toos o-o
i got to see my cousin jenny yesterday (:
& she taught me SOCIAL NETWORK/CONNECTION is the KEY to success !
& ITS TRUE :D! they can really help alot so i needa start to be more social! & when i have a chance to meet somewhere new i should try to communicate
THAT IS MY GOAL! (:

HEY ITS THE 1ST DAY OF FEBURARY! & it already started bad LOL & this month is gonna be busy w/ tryouts againss! -______- AT LEAST THIS TIME WE ONLY HAVE ONE TRYOUT AND NOT TWO NOWS! WOOOHOOOOO :P
i feel so alone in a way o___o LMFAO